Our Very Own Personal Miracle!

This is a momento consisting of bits and pieces about being a new mommy, our adoption experience, and the faith that sustains us. Memoirs that are stored in my treasure box called life.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

The Never Ending Saga - The Dude Showed Up

I am sure everyone knows by now that the last hearing was on March 1. We were praying that since the alleged father did not show up for the February hearing he would not show up for the second.

Unfortunately he showed up. The Judge asked him why he didn't make the first hearing since he is the one contesting the adoption, he said because he works nights. Good excuse. My question is if you can't make a court hearing how the hell are you going to take care of a baby if you work nights?! Anyway, the judge has now given him until April 26 to take the DNA test. I am guessing, based on the way this dude operates, that we are going to know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING UNTIL APRIL 26!

I am not handling this very well at all. I cannot believe it has gotten to this point and that I may lose my child. Can you imagine losing your son or daughter forever?! Some people seem to think that it shouldn't be life altering given that he is adopted. That is just crazy to me. He has been with us since 24 hours after birth. He only knows us. Can you imagine what this will be like for him if he goes to a crappy home in which the person providing for him can barely feed him. Kellen is on a routine and it breaks my heart to think of how this would be for him.

I am trying to not dwell on the negative, but until you have been in a position of constant struggle to bring a child into your life and then out of no-where, once you finally think you have made it over the peak of the mountain, have the potential of someone taking your child from you - it is hard to explain that...positive/negative doesn't matter. What matters is sheer strength to make it one more day, one more hour, one more minute. I so desperately want to move on from adoption. I realize it will always be apart of my life, but I am so needing this chapter of our life to end. All I can pray for is that the DNA doesn't match.

Please God! Please do not let the DNA match. I have no idea how I will survive if it is a match and Kellen has to leave us.

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